You're smart.
You're planning to visit the only Scandinavian country that matters.
Yes, admit it, you've always wanted to go to Denmark much more than Sweden because the Danes invented the atomic bomb and hygge. You tell yourself, "Why would I want to go to the Italian Alps when I can go rock climbing on Lolland? I'm trendy, I want to ride my bike with the xenophobic Danes because they're the happiest people in the world."
Actually, that's not true anymore. The suicidal Finns have repeatedly beaten us the last few years, but unlike them the Danes always make the news for positive reasons, like killing healthy minks, or harassing refugees at the border.
So, come and visit us, will you? And please bring your credit cards because God knows you're going to need them!
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Name in Danish: Danmark
Inhabitants: 5.9 million
Size: The 8th biggest country in the world if you count Greenland. (Always count Greenland)
Capital: Copenhagen, Copenaghen, Kopenhagen, Copenhague, København (1.5 million)
Ranking: Most Livable City in the World (Monocle, British Magazine, 2008, 2013, 2014)
Other Top Rankings During the Last Decade We Take Pride in:
a) Most Trusting People
b) Average Consumption of Beer (Fourth highest in the world)
c) Crime per Capita: Fourth lowest in the world
d) Best Government in the World (2014)
e) Second Best Country for Women (edging out Saudi Arabia?)
f) Second Best Country for Singles Traveling Alone with a Danish Flag on Their Rucksack
g) Lonely Planet's Top Destination in 2019, Copenhagen.
h) Least Corrupt Country in the World (We bribed us to that)
Famous Half Danes That We Damn Well Refuse to Call American: Viggo Mortensen, Scarlett Johansson
What Does 'Tak for Sidst' Mean? You wouldn't understand, anyway.
Denmark's Claim to Fame in the Far East: Badminton
Denmark's Claim to Fame in the Middle East: Vintage cartoons from 2005 that didn't go down very well with a sultan or two.
Denmark's Claim to Fame in the UK: Bacon and bikes.
Most Important Danish Invention of All Time: The atomic bomb (Niels Bohr with a tiny bit of help from Oppenheimer)
Second Most Important Invention of All Time: Lego
Third Most Important Invention That Actually Wasn't Invented in Denmark, But We Don't Mind Taking Credit for It Anyway: Danish pastry (Thanks a million, Vienna)
Best Tourist Attraction If You're into Knights in Shining Armor: Frederiksborg castle (Hillerød)
Best Tourist Attraction If You're Eight Years Old: Legoland
Best Tourist Attraction If You're Eighty Years Old: Tivoli
Most Overrated Tourist Attraction: The Little Mermaid
Time of Glory I: When the Danish Vikings conquered England in the 11th century.
Time Of Glory II: When Denmark won the European Championship in football in 1992 beating the Germans 2-0 in the final, and the whole country behaved like a frat party.
Most Awesome Cities in Denmark Apart from Copenhagen: Helsingør (Elsinore), Ærøskøbing, Faaborg, Ebeltoft, Ribe, Silkeborg, Skagen, Svaneke, Svendborg, Gudhjem, Odense, and Christiania (if you still think bean bag chairs are cool)
Best Time to Visit the Land of the Danes: From late May to early September.
Best Month to Commit Suicide Because It's Dark, Dreary, and Everybody Wish They Were in Thailand: January
Best Danish Traits: Tolerance, sense of humor, informality
Worst Danish Traits: Intolerance, sarcasm, xenophobia.
What You'll Miss If You're an American Visiting Denmark: TV anchors with perfect teeth
What You'll Miss the Most If You're Norwegian: Norway
Most Stupid Thing Ever to Say to a Dane: Now, which part of Germany are you from again?
Second Most Stupid Thing Ever to Say to a Dane: Sweden is my favorite Scandinavian country.
All pictures are taken by me. You're welcome to share but please credit me if you quote anything from here.
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e) Second Best Country for Women (edging out Saudi Arabia?)
f) Second Best Country for Singles Traveling Alone with a Danish Flag on Their Rucksack
g) Lonely Planet's Top Destination in 2019, Copenhagen.
h) Least Corrupt Country in the World (We bribed us to that)
i) Best Neighborhood in the World: Norrebro, Copenhagen (Time Out, 2021)
j) Second Most Livable City in the World, 2023: Copenhagen
k) Third Best Government in the World, 2022 Unless You're a Mink
l) Safest country in the world for Women, 2024
j) Second Most Livable City in the World, 2023: Copenhagen
k) Third Best Government in the World, 2022 Unless You're a Mink
l) Safest country in the world for Women, 2024
Language: Guttural.
Government: Constitutional monarchy.
Currency: Kroner. (7.10 DKK to the US dollar, 0.04 to the Angolan Kwanza)
Religion: No, thank you.
Name of Our New King Who Got Popular When He Married a Girl from Tasmania and Stopped Driving like a Royal Madman: Frederik X (2024-?)
Government: Constitutional monarchy.
Currency: Kroner. (7.10 DKK to the US dollar, 0.04 to the Angolan Kwanza)
Religion: No, thank you.
Name of Our New King Who Got Popular When He Married a Girl from Tasmania and Stopped Driving like a Royal Madman: Frederik X (2024-?)
Famous Living Danes You Should Know If You Want Us to Respect You: Victoria Kjær Theilvig better known as Miss Universe 2024, Mads Mikkelsen (actor), Jonas Vingegaard (winner of Tour de France twice), Christian Eriksen (our favorite heartthrob), Lars von Trier (enfant terrible), Nina Agdal (model), Helena Christensen (ex-model. We borrowed half of her from Peru), Lars Ulrich (founder of Metallica), Viktor Axelsen (world's best badminton player), Peter Schmeichel and Michael Laudrup (ex-soccer players and TV-celebrities), Caroline Wozniacki (tennis player), Lukas Graham (singer), Bjarne Ingels (architect), Mette Frederiksen (prime minister).
Famous Half Danes That We Damn Well Refuse to Call American: Viggo Mortensen, Scarlett Johansson
Famous Dead Danes You Absolutely Should Mourn Now: Hans Christian Andersen (author), Søren Kierkegaard (philosopher), King Canute (conquered England), Tycho Brahe (conquered the universe), Isak Dinesen (conquered Africa), Karen Blixen (conquered Meryl Streep), Vitus Bering (explorer who had a strait named after him), Niels Bohr (physicist), Hamlet (Shakespeare's boy toy)
Biggest Selling Pop Song of All Time: 7 Years by Lukas Graham (Grammy nominated for Record and Song of the Year in 2017 but beaten by a slightly unknown singer named Adele)
Danish Imperialism: Lego, Maersk, Ecco, Vesta, Bang and Olufsen, Carlsberg, Tuborg, (Flying) Tiger.
Best Danish Word We Like to Shove Down Your Throat: Hygge. (Please don't embarrass yourself by trying to pronounce the word. We don't want to laugh at you)
Danish Imperialism: Lego, Maersk, Ecco, Vesta, Bang and Olufsen, Carlsberg, Tuborg, (Flying) Tiger.
Best Danish Word We Like to Shove Down Your Throat: Hygge. (Please don't embarrass yourself by trying to pronounce the word. We don't want to laugh at you)
Most Important Nicety You Need to Say Unless You Want to be Considered Rude or Russian: Tak for sidst
What Does 'Tak for Sidst' Mean? You wouldn't understand, anyway.
Denmark's Claim to Fame in the Far East: Badminton
Denmark's Claim to Fame in the Middle East: Vintage cartoons from 2005 that didn't go down very well with a sultan or two.
Denmark's Claim to Fame in the UK: Bacon and bikes.
Second Most Important Invention of All Time: Lego
Third Most Important Invention That Actually Wasn't Invented in Denmark, But We Don't Mind Taking Credit for It Anyway: Danish pastry (Thanks a million, Vienna)
Best Tourist Attraction If You're into Knights in Shining Armor: Frederiksborg castle (Hillerød)
Best Tourist Attraction If You're Eight Years Old: Legoland
Best Tourist Attraction If You're Eighty Years Old: Tivoli
Most Overrated Tourist Attraction: The Little Mermaid
Time of Glory I: When the Danish Vikings conquered England in the 11th century.
Time Of Glory II: When Denmark won the European Championship in football in 1992 beating the Germans 2-0 in the final, and the whole country behaved like a frat party.
Most Awesome Cities in Denmark Apart from Copenhagen: Helsingør (Elsinore), Ærøskøbing, Faaborg, Ebeltoft, Ribe, Silkeborg, Skagen, Svaneke, Svendborg, Gudhjem, Odense, and Christiania (if you still think bean bag chairs are cool)
Best Time to Visit the Land of the Danes: From late May to early September.
Best Month to Commit Suicide Because It's Dark, Dreary, and Everybody Wish They Were in Thailand: January
Best Danish Traits: Tolerance, sense of humor, informality
Worst Danish Traits: Intolerance, sarcasm, xenophobia.
What You'll Miss If You're an American Visiting Denmark: TV anchors with perfect teeth
What You'll Miss the Most If You're Norwegian: Norway
Most Stupid Thing Ever to Say to a Dane: Now, which part of Germany are you from again?
Second Most Stupid Thing Ever to Say to a Dane: Sweden is my favorite Scandinavian country.
If you're as laid back as us, we can't wait to welcome you to the Land of the Danes. But please don't cut off the head of the Little Mermaid or jump into Hans Christian Andersen's bed in Odense. That's getting so old!
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Winner of www.Denmark.net's International Contest, 2009. Copyright, Peter H. Fogtdal, Danish Accent, 2008, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2016, 2018, and onwards until I get tired of it.
All pictures are taken by me. You're welcome to share but please credit me if you quote anything from here.
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