All Danes are blond and gorgeous. And every single of us have a cabin with a view of a lake. No wonder the whole world wants to be Danish, but don't get your hopes up. We're very protective of our gene pool.
You're planning to go to Denmark.
You've always wanted to visit our country because you know that it's the most exciting nation in the world. You tell yourself, "Why would I want to go to Paris, New York or the Himalayas when I can go rock climbing on Lolland?"
"Yes, I'm trendy. I want to visit Denmark because the Danes are so eco-friendly with their bikes, cuisine, and wind mills. And most important, they're the happiest and most trusting people in the world, always making the news for positive reasons, like killing healthy giraffes in their Zoos and letting their kids watch them getting eaten by lions."
Yes, that's right. In 2008 and 2013 Denmark was named the happiest nation on the planet for humans. And I'm living proof of that. Right now this Danish novelist is sitting in cozy Copenhagen staring at the sleet, enjoying the 43 degrees of sloppy spring and his $10 latte.
Come and visit us, will you?
And please bring all your credit cards because God knows you're going to need them!
GUIDE TO DENMARK
Here's a superficial introduction to my Southern Scandinavian Paradise. Enjoy.
Name: Denmark (Danmark)
Inhabitants: 5.6 million
Capital: Copenhagen (1.5 million)
Ranking: Most livable city in the world (Monocle, British Magazine, 2008)
Other Top Rankings in the World That We Take Pride In:
a) Most trusting people in the world (April 2011)
b) Best restaurant in the world (Noma, 2010, 2011, 2012)
c) Most Pork consumption per capita (not counting your neighborhood sheikh)
d) Best Government in the world (2014)
Government: Constitutional monarchy.
Currency: Kroner. (5.5 DKK to a US dollar)
Religion: No, thank you.
Name of Queen: Margrethe II.
Name of Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt. As popular as chlamydia, but somewhat prettier.
Size: The 8th biggest country in the world if you count Greenland. (Always count Greenland).
Weather: Not really.
Unemployment Rate: Rising
Hospitality If You're Not White: Falling
Crime per Capita: Fourth lowest in the world.
Corruption: Second lowest in the world.
Average Consumption of Beer per Capita: Fourth highest in the world.
Best Selfie of the Year by Far: Helle Thorning-Schmidt with two unknown pals.