Why I Never Lie (A Spiritual Confession from a Danish Saint)

I don't snoop. I'm a man of high morals.

I've never killed anyone unless they tried to flash me.

I don't eat pork or pretzels.

I'm too pure to to maim cockroaches or Norwegians.

I wouldn't dream of jaywalking. Masturbation is as foreign to me as coleslaw.

I haven't lusted for any woman since August, 1991, and that day I was wearing a condom.

I always pray for strangers.

I love my enemies as much as I love Comcast. I only wear my underwear once, then I give it to charity.

I speak sweetly of the dead, I floss on Wednesdays, and I wouldn't dream of listening to Lady Gaga.

The last time I said fuck, I felt guilty for a decade.

I don't watch Glenn Beck or porn.

I cut my toenails in the privacy of my own bathroom.

I've never lied in my life. If I lied, God would strike me dead before I could finish this sentenc

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flash prose, copyright by Peter H. Fogtdal, Danish Accent

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