Thursday, November 18, 2010
Why I Never Lie (A Spiritual Confession from a Danish Saint)
I don't snoop. I'm a man of high morals.
I've never killed anyone unless they tried to flash me.
I don't eat pork or pretzels.
I'm too pure to to maim cockroaches or Norwegians.
I wouldn't dream of jaywalking. Masturbation is as foreign to me as coleslaw.
I haven't lusted for any woman since August, 1991, and that day I was wearing a condom.
I always pray for strangers.
I love my enemies as much as I love Comcast. I only wear my underwear once, then I give it to charity.
I speak sweetly of the dead, I floss on Wednesdays, and I wouldn't dream of listening to Lady Gaga.
The last time I said fuck, I felt guilty for a decade.
I don't watch Glenn Beck or porn.
I cut my toenails in the privacy of my own bathroom.
I've never lied in my life. If I lied, God would strike me dead before I could finish this sentenc
flash prose, copyright by Peter H. Fogtdal, Danish Accent