Read The Tsar's Dwarf (Hawthorne Books)

Read The Tsar's Dwarf (Hawthorne Books)
"A curious and wonderful work of great human value by a Danish master." Sebastian Barry, Man Booker finalist (Click on the picture to go to the book's Amazon page)

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Spanking Denmark, A New Exciting Sport?

They're taking The Little Mermaid away.

How can they do that to us Danes? Our national treasure is being shipped to Expo 2010, so the Chinese can drool over her. What's next? That the Brits send Big Ben or the Americans Britney Spears?

Actually, it's pretty hard being Danish these days. Everybody seems to hate us. We botched COP15, the Climate Conference in Copenhagen, and the Swedes are trying to outdo us with their own cartoon crisis. We're not even allowed to stand out when we're bad.

Talking about being bad, a week ago a new universe opened up for me - an online community of bloggers who write about how much they dislike my fine upstanding country. Most of these unhappy souls are immigrants condemned to the darkest abyss of Hell - better known as Copenhagen, Århus, and Odense.

Here are some of the quotes that made me cry the most. They're from a blog called A Guide to Denmark and the Denish Way - that's right, the Denish way. I've never heard of Denish before, but they sure sound like a nasty people.

A word of warning to the sensitive: If you're sick enough to like Denmark you shouldn't read this. You should go and play with your Lego or drink yourself to death in that second rate beer of ours called Carlsberg.

Here are some quotes from some disappointed immigrants who thought they'd moved to Shangri-La, but discovered it wasn't much different than Sodoma.

"We hate it here. But the thing is, you get sucked in. From the outside Denmark just looked like the dreams we’d have of Scandinavia, but ..."

"The Danes are so orderly and sheep like."

"It is rare to find a parent who chooses to be a homebody. Women who stay at home here tend to be mentally unwell or with some other "excuse’ to not work."

"We worry about their loose attitudes to some issues (nudity and sexual explicit material in public) and their way of being extremely tight about others, like their clampdown on other cultures living here."

"We wanted to enjoy a slower pace of life here ... but we have been steadily disgusted by the material trappings of life in Denmark."

"The Danes drink so much. We used to like a drink before we came here, but we have kind of reached saturation point."

"We worry about our kids growing up in such a weird inbred culture."

"The idiots in power here are a great concern but we have to consider the people who are voting them in."

"The Danes are so hard to love ... and it is hard to feel close to them."

Lovely quotes. They sure made my day. But I'm still crying my eyes out over being a sheep from an inbred culture of unlovable mentally unstable drunks whose kids are brought up on an unhealthy diet of porn - especially because it's all true.

But now you have to excuse me. I absolutely have to read some of the other blogs like People Who Love Denmark Are Blind and The Danidiots Are Winning. I'm not one to say no to a good spanking, you know ...

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