Saturday, December 5, 2009
Welcome to Copenhagen, Climate People. We've been expecting you for a long time. But let's forget about global warming for a second and make an important announcement:
Danish prostitutes offer free sex to foreigners at The Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen.
Isn't that great news? Now we can be sure that Berlusconi is coming!
Actually, everybody is coming to Cop15. At least 90 government leaders will show up at the Bella Center in one of the ugliest areas of Copenhagen. Even activists will drop by to make sure that the Climate Conference doesn't end up in pretty speeches and sloppy blow jobs.
But how could it? After all, COP15 is sponsored by Volvo, SAS, Honda, and BMW. As you know, these are all companies that wouldn't dream of polluting the earth.
An important question that's on everybody's mind: Has global warming been invented by environmentalists who want more funds?
That's what the right wing in most countries think. They don't believe in climate or change. A man like Glenn Beck gets allergies when he hears the word sustainable. The rest of us get allergies when we hear Glenn Beck.
Among the skeptics are the government of Saudi Arabia. The Saudis question the newest Climate Change data. By the way, tomorrow's forecast for Mecca is minus 3 and snow.
Obama has decided to come to Copenhagen on the last day of the summit. This will happen after he has received the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo. We Danes are happy to hear that he wants to celebrate this accomplishment in a city where you still can get a cup of coffee for six dollars.
But at least it's great that an American president is interested in the climate. That's quite a change from Bush & Bush, those environmental terrorists who the world suffered with for ages. Too bad Al Gore is a no show in Copenhagen. He would've bored a lot of the global warming deniers to death.
By the way, there's no reason to be cynical about Cop15. It's not every environmentalist who arrives on a private jet with recycled stewardesses.
400 delegates will actually take the train from Brussels with something called The Climate Express. Rumors have it that the last time they did this, the delegates threw green condoms out the window and ate a lot of tofu. But tofu makes you fart. You don't have to be a scientist to know how damaging that is to the environment.
I know there have been a lot of nasty jokes about the Danish climate, but our weather is actually great for committing suicide. And rain is good for you if you're an oak tree, so why do people complain so much?
Still, I have a suggestion: Couldn't we switch the name of The Climate Change Conference to The Climate EXCHANGE Conference, so Denmark could get Spain's?
Just a humble suggestion from man who rides his bike every day and spits at every BMW he sees.
Good luck in Copenhagen, delegates!