Crown Prince Frederik and Crown Princess Mary - they're much more popular than dildos.I don't get it.
A few days ago I wrote a blog in support of Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark. Why did I do that, you may ask? The answer is simple, I'm a compassionate person who wants to help people who get criticized - you may call me the Mother Theresa of Blogging.
In my piece I explained to the world that Frederik is not a degenerate, he is not lazy, and his wife Crown Princess Mary is cute.
I'm happy I did that because ever since I've been flooded with comments from RoyalDish, a website that has turned its hatred of royalty into an art form. These wonderful but slightly deranged people have told me scary stories of Mary's sordid past in Australia; how she's a Prada loving gold digger who's only after one thing ... more Prada.
Let me clarify one thing: I like Mary but I don't know her personally. I shook her hand on Amalienborg castle once, but that doesn't mean I can look into what some might call her Prada craving soul. But I do have a feeling that Frederik and Mary actually love each other, which, of course, would be very un-Royal.
As everybody knows, marrying for love is not only disgusting, it's unhealthy. Royal marriages have always been political. A Crown Princess has two obligations: to look good on coins and supply the coming King with circumsized boys ... that's it.
But I guess Freddie and Mary are good for at least one more thing: They attract a lot of readers to my blog.
You see, it's only two weeks ago I started to learn how to get Danish Accent out in the world. I did that by following the advice of Portland's leading web guru, Mediachick. She said ... and I quote her:
"Peter, ít's extremely important that you use the word DILDO in your blog titles. Even if you write about your own boring novels, you should use the word DILDO as often as you can. If you don't, you'll never get any readers."
Well, the expert was wrong. My dildo blog was beaten by my piece on Crown Prince Frederik and Mary from the House of Prada. So now I'm planning a long list of blogs about Royalty and sex toys, including pictures of a naked Prince Harry making out with Paris Hilton - while Queen Elizabeth is watching.
This will definitely make my blog world famous.
So maybe you finally understand why I'm a devoted Royalist?
5 comments:
oh it makes PERFECT sense...now I just have to slip in a few Royals into my musings on the whirled and they'll be flocking to me
trouble is, i've only ever seen them ]Royals[ in pictures....
keep writing
Deranged must be the operative word this week, since you’ve used it twice! As for applying it to the posters on RD, and mentioned in almost the same breath as FearlessFrogmanFred, makes me think that it was a grammatical error, oh! well, no one is perfect! Mary from the boondocks is really a loquaciously limited buffoon, just plain dressed in Prada, and stiff under the mantle of her misconceived perception of royalty, and quite out of tune with the inept Fred, shame really, the guy needs all the help he can get. Good luck with your devotion to royals!
Okay, first of all what I really said was "vibrator" not "dildo". And also, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that it works for me because I'm a young, good-looking woman. That may be your problem right there.
At any rate, if you're going for the google juice, DON'T FORGET TO TAG YOUR POST DILDO. Or vibrator. Or I'm a Royal Groupie.
And while I'm here admiring the coding work of your perfectly formatted links to buy The Tsar's Dwarf, I need to let you know your check bounced. You can repay me with that free trip you won from the Copenhagen Jazz Festival for your Denmark for Dummies post. I'd like to be less Danish stupid, please.
Geesh.
Peter, darls, we Royal Dishers don't hate royalty. Perfectly fine system of government as long as it's constitutional. But while poor Lilibet in the UK has her accounts detailed to the nth degree by the (very!) free press there, your Danes continue to get a free pass.
I love me some Daisy, don't get me wrong. The old girl can certainly put on a show, and that's half of what these tax-subsidized entertainers do, for pete's sake. Bring on the glitz!
But then why does the clown prince parrot get away with being in the red year after year? Fred was great until The Great Bogan from Down Under put him under her hillbilly spell. Give rednecks access to the country's coffers, and bad accounting (and ugly, puglistic children) is what you get!
Not that the show they put on doesn't have it's value. Poor Fred looks like a tragic husband from the suburbs, getting more and more sad and detached, and Mary fills the hole in her life by alienating real royals (she can't even complete with a sweet Norwegian with bad posture) and shop, shop, shopping all for the love of Australia. It's all a real treat, to be honest.
But then again, I'm not Danish and therefore not needing my tax dollars to be accounted for. (Shoot, I've always been told to never end a sentence with a preposition. How does one get around that in Danish!? Or do you have no such silly rule?)
Cheers!
Thanks you, all.
MediaChick, my checks never bounce because I never write any :-) But I plan on feeding that tragic chocolate addiction of yours - something that might ruin me for decades.
Anipul. sorry for repeating the word deranged, but it happens to be one of my favorite words in english, just like moron and fender bender.
Kitty, I think you know more about Danish royalty than I do. I'm just a hopeless romantic dreaming about the glory days when we conquered England, ruled Sweden and, Norway and a small chunk of India. Ah, those were the days. Now we just throw people OUT of our country instead of embracing them.
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