Disclaimer to kids and Republicans: It doesn't get dirtier on my blog than this.I'm from Denmark, but I never think of sex. I want you to know that nothing is further from my mind than blow jobs. I actually don't know what a blow job is and if I did, I would be so disgusted. I've never visited a porn site in my life, and I don't sleep with my girlfriend. I'm saving myself for the right one, and she has to look like Mom.
All this is the Gospel Truth, may God and John Holmes be my witness. Last time sex crossed my mind was in 1982 when Nancy Reagan looked at Ronald with those wet cocker spaniel eyes. "God, Republicans are filthy," I told my girlfriend - my platonic girlfriend, that is.
But recently my interest in sex has increased. And it's all because of Google. As my readers know, I'm learning how to get my blog out in the world. An expert spent a Sunday afternoon teaching me the ropes. Frankly, I didn't understand a word she said. She lost me the first time she said Windows. But I remember that at one point, she looked at me intensely and said, "I always get a lot of hits on my blog when I write about vibrators. Vibrators seems to have a lot of Google juice."
After that I couldn't sleep, because is it really necessary for a serious novelist to stoop to the level of lecherous librarians with vibrators? The answer, of course, is a resounding no.
I mean, I'd love to have thousands of blog readers every day, but I have no interest in horny cheerleaders looking for a rod - unless it's mine, of course. So I want to give you a guarantee: You'll never, ever find any filth on Danish Accent.
Why? Because I pride myself in being a Beacon of Light, the Fox News of Blogs, the Bill O' Riley of Righteous Behavior.
So for those of you perverts out there who have fantasies about donkeys, please go somewhere else. This is a clean blog - as clean as you can expect from a novelist who was conceived at an orgy in Legoland.
****************************
4 comments:
The title of your post should have been, "Hey, You Won't Find Any Lecherous Librarians or Vibrators on This Clean Blog," and then you would have gotten more hits.
You're probably right, but it doesn't sound as good :-)
That vibrator-advocating social media consultant of yours should be fired for giving you such bad advice.
Anyway, I agree with Laura. Plus, you need to add the tag vibrator to the post.
Duh.
Well, now I included Horny Cheerleaders in the title. Isn't that good enough? :-)
I'm a slow learner. What can I say?
Peter
Post a Comment