Updated Again: The 23 Greatest Cities in the World According to Your Danish Bloghead (If You See It Here, It's Gotta Be True)

1.
I'm a nomad.

I've always been a nomad. Actually, my grand father started his life tending camels in Safed, Northern Palestine. His family lived in three different places, always on the go, traveling with livestock and a hangover. So I can't help it, I have this genetic preposition. I'm a nomad.

Maybe that's why people come up to me and say, "Peter," they say. "You pretend you're a writer, so you can get grants and travel around the world, making up stories that people don't want to read. Couldn't you do something worthwhile and tell us about your favorite cities in the world?"

Yes, that's what people ask me. At least, three people have asked me that, so why don't I give you my official list of The 23 greatest cities in the world?

A word of warning, though. I actually haven't been everywhere - a small fact I wouldn't admit to any one if my life depended on it. Except for Venezuela I haven't been in South America. If I had, I'm sure Salvador in Brazil would make my list. There are also several places in Wyoming I haven't visited. And let's not forget Iraq and Afghanistan. I definitely haven't spent any quality time in the Green Zone, either.

So here we go:

The 23 Greatest Cities in the World According to a Southern Scandinavian Bloghead.

23. Bangkok, Thailand. So you think Bangkok is an ugly arm pit full of sweaty tourists, noisy traffic, and playful prostitutes? You're absolutely right, but Bangkok is so much more. It also has the most beautiful temples in the world. I mean, if you walk into Wat Pho on a rare day without tour groups, you become an instant Buddhist. That's right. You just sit in front of one of the Buddhas and you understand everything. You understand why you live, you understand why you suffer, and you understand that the only way to appreciate Bangkok is to stay by the river, so you don't have to put up with all the fucking traffic.

22. Vernazza, Cinque Terre, Italy. This is a sleepy, picturesque village on the Ligurian coast - the kind of place you wish you could keep for yourself - just you hanging out with a notebook, La Stampa, and a few espressi to give you the runs. Unfortunately, Vernazza is part of Cinque Terre, the place where everybody goes to get their blisters. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, Cinque Terre consists of five coastal villages you can't reach by car, meaning you have to do something very unAmerican. You have to walk.

However, this hike is famous, too famous for its own good. So when you're out on the trails, forget all about enjoying nature, but do say hi to the Japanese tourists with their pink hair and the Bavarian hikers in their shiny lederhosen. Cinque Terre is a pretty place, though. And Vernazza is the prettiest of them all.




21. Santa Barbara, California. This is definitely the best beach town in the US, far superior to places like La Jolla, Fort Lauderdale, and Malibu. Yes, I would go so far as to say it's one of the best beach towns in the world. Somehow, it hasn't been destroyed by tourists. It doesn't have that Disney world feeling with noisy kids and cranky grand mothers. Santa Barbara has class, but luckily not too much. It's not pretentious like La Jolla or stupid as Palm Beach. It's sedated in a good way, with great Spanish architecture and well behaved seagulls. And John Cleese is supposed to live here. Silly walks, any one?





20. London, England. Yeah, it's big and it's expensive, but it's kind of hard not to get excited when you look up at Big Ben or down at Gordon Brown. Other things to do: Visit the hippie market in Camden Town. Ride a doubledecker. Or cross Abbey Road pretending you're Paul McCartney before he met Heather. Yes, London has it all. It's loud, it's fun, it's full of bobbies and corny celebrities. If you're lucky, you could run into Prince Philip or Amy Winehouse (rumors have it that they're dating). Or George Michael getting down in a park. There are so many ways to self-destruct in London, but they're all fun.




19. Heidelberg, Germany. Something as rare as a German city that wasn't annihilated during the Second World War? Yes, you got it, Heidelberg is it! Somebody might argue it's kitchy. Somebody might even say it's pretty like a tacky postcard, but I like postcards, so what? It's hard to beat the romantic feeling of the place. Heidelberg is the kind of town where you want to defend a maiden's honor by slicing your wrists, preferably in techno-color. Maybe it's the gorgeous houses that does it, the cobble stoned streets or the towering castle up on the hill ... I don't really know.

But I'll definitely say this: If I were a count, I would want to live in Heidelberg, going for walks along the river, ordering everybody around with my horsewhip.

Other places to savour: The famous Philosopher's Walk - it's cool, too. So is the Neckar with its fancy tour boats. And if you roam the forests, don't be surprised if you run into Hansel, Gretel, and Young Werther looking for a place to kill himself.




18. Hanoi, Vietnam. If you're into scooters, Hanoi is your kind of place. As opposed to Saigon (which is pretty damn awful), Hanoi is a great city full of atmosphere, lakes, temples, and panhandlers. And the locals are wonderful, even when they take you for a ride. And they do again and again.

Hanoi is an odd mixture of the Far East, French architecture, and ridiculous government buildings that make you long for Leningrad. But God, it's hard not to fall in love with this beehive of rickshaws, scooters, motor bikes, bicycles, and boisterous beggars.

If you get enough of the noise, you should definitely take a day trip to Halong Bay, one of the most beautiful bays in the world. I did just that with a group of Korean tourists. Not a single of them spoke to me for three hours, but when we finally came out on the boat, a man approached me.

"My wife wants me to take a picture of you," he said. "She thinks you're very handsome. I don't."





17. Arles, France. Yes, you're right. What an odd choice. Arles isn't as flashy as Cannes, Menton or the other places in Southern France that the snobs adore. But that's part of the charm. After all, Van Gogh was born here and that man wasn't a riot. He was the epitome of a depressed artist, poor, misunderstood, and unshaven: he even cut off his ear. Maybe that's why the city is full of tourists - they're all looking for that ear.

But Arles is not a depressing city at all. It's charming like a croissant, a little airy on the inside but fulfilling nevertheless. Arles is the kind of place where you want to stroll around, hang out in the local cafes, and admire the Roman coliseum that the town is famous for. It's full of picturesque streets, small shops, and secret hide aways for guilty lovers. What can I say? Arles is a gem that hasn't been devoured by travelers. It actually wants me to speak French.




16. Dubrovnik, Croatia and Marrakech, Marocco. A tie If you're into history, just take a walk through the Pearl of the Adriatic. Dubrovnik in Croatia is an amazing town. I was there twice when I was in my teens and Dubrovnik made a huge impression on me. So did the wine from Mostar but that's another story.

Yes, back in the good old days the country was called Yugoslavia. It was in the seventies - the times of Gerald Ford and Deep Purple. And dirty dinar bills that made you feel like a millionaire. I remember the Stradun, the medieval fountains, and the brilliant architecture. In fact, Dubrovnik was so pretty that I'm afraid to go back. I'm scared stiffed it has a 7-11 on every corner. And how about the nuns? Do they all use iPods now?

I was also in Marrakesh, Morocco when I was a teenager - another gorgeous city I would be scared of revisiting. I remember the beautiful markets where you could sell your mother for a camel. Yes, I admit it. I have this thing for camels. They gotta be the most arrogant animal around. The way a camel can look at you is priceless. So who do you think you are? the camel asks while it stares you down like a sultry sultan. And those camel teeth, large as brown bricks. I want one in my apartment.

Oh yes, Marrakech is timeless. It's 1001 nights, the smell of curry, the bags of henna, the "antiques" from 2002, and the towering Atlas mountains as a beautiful backdrop. Marrakech, I'm coming soon, but I hope you've kept your magic or you'll see a grown man cry.

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15. Atrani, Costiera Amalfitana, Italy The Amalfi Coast is the prettiest in the world. Don't argue with me because I'm probably going to hit you if you do. Yes, that's how strongly I feel about this place. Cote d'Azur doesn't hold a candle to Costiera Amalfitana: The mountains, the quaint small towns, the color of the ocean - this coast is Heaven on earth. Unfortunately, the cities are so touristy that some of the charm dissolves. But in Atrani you can pretend or almost pretend that you're the only foreigner around. You can get lost in the white alleys with the Madonnas and the reptiles. And you can get a decent work out climbing the stairs.

Actually, Atrani is glued to Amalfi - this wonderfully pretty hellhole of tour buses and overpriced cappuccinos. But luckily, Atrani is much more quiet and subdued. It's a white little town that smells of limoncello. And it's the proud owner of one of the most adorable squares in Italy. You don't need to know the name because there's only one. And it's so small you might overlook it. But do me a favor, don't go. Go to Positano or Ravello like all the other tourists. Or take the boat to Capri because I'd like to have Atrani all to myself.




14. Baga, Goa, India. It's hard to find a city in India that's bearable. Yet, the country is so incredible, so beautiful, so endlessly fascinating that India has to be represented on my list. At one point, I considered putting Chennai on, but it's just too dirty. Bangalore used to be wonderful because it has so many parks but now it's as crowded and polluted as Bangkok. Kovalam beach in Kerala? Great place, but there are too many panhandlers. So I'm going with Baga in Goa. Yes, this place has its share of tourists as well, but Goa is wonderful - it's India for sissies.

Actually, you could say that Goa is a soft core version of the real India. Less poverty, fewer beggars, more hygiene. It's less of a hassle being a tourist here than in Kerala and Tamil Nadu. Everything seems cleaner than in the rest of the country, but Goa has maintained that Indian charm with a hint of Portuguese fado.

It's hard not to love Goa, but you're welcome to try. I love the golden sun sets, the lush palm trees, and the spicy Indian food. I adore the old hippies that still think Supertramp is on the charts. When you walk around Goa you see more weirdos than you do at Venice Beach. Baga is a fun and atrocious place that attract a huge number of horny Hindus and new age neurotics. Sometimes you run into a mosquito or two. Or the odd rattle snake looking for a little action, but Goa is still out of this world.

A holy cow ate a newspaper of mine when I was there. I was lying on the beach half asleep but woke up when the cow started to eat the sports section.

I quickly gave it my blessing. What else could I do? I believe in reincarnation and that cow could have been my grand mother.



13. Damascus, Syria There are two cities hidden inside Damascus. There's the modern part that looks like East Berlin in the sixties. And then there's the old town with the suq (the bazaar). This part is magic. It's pure incense, Aladdin, and Arabian nights. St. Paul loved Damascus as well. He had his most important vision here. You'll probably have one too, but hurry up. Some of the magic is fading. When I visited the city in 2003, the Syrians were the greatest and warmest people I ever met, but when I came back in 2007 Damascus had changed. Now it's being suffocated by Iraqi refugees, and there's an increasing sense of frustration.

But don't get me wrong. I'm a Damascus fan, so if you want to read more about this underrated city, go to fogtdal.blogspot.com/2007/09/damascus-is-dream-but-sorry-lesbians.html. Or check out the labels on the left side of this page and click on Damascus.



12. Amsterdam, Netherlands and Copenhagen, Denmark. A tie. Amsterdam tries so hard to look like Copenhagen that it's not even funny, but I have to admit that Amsterdam is prettier. It's also dirtier, more colorful, and the hash is better. Not that I would know. I don't indulge, I just get high sniffing cow dung.

So what does Copenhagen have going for it? It's greener, it has a more gentle vibe - something you'll pick up if you're sensitive. And it has more bikes. Actually, Copenhagen claims to be the biking capital of the world and since Danes never brag (!), that's probably true.

Maybe it's not so strange that Amsterdam and Copenhagen are a bit alike. Dutch settlers build parts of Copenhagen. Both the Netherlands and Denmark are flat as rye bread. And to make matters worse, Americans mix up Danish and Dutch all the time. ("Oh, so you're from Denmark? Say something in Dutch.") Our countries both have a reputation for tolerance as well - a tolerance that's fading rapidly in recent years.

But that's another story and a sad one as well, so we won't get into that. Just visit the cities, enjoy the architecture, and our ugly languages. But don't panic when we open our mouths. We mean well.






11.
Paris, France. There's no way around it: Paris is outrageously pretty. It's a city that would make any one drool. Only people who find the French obnoxious will hate it, but the French aren't obnoxious. They're great people, they gave the world Victor Hugo, Juliette Binoche, and Zinedine Zidane. This is one headbutting nation!

Paris is a wet dream come true. It's romantic, it has the Eifel tower with its tremendous view, Champs Elysées with its Arc, and a sulky Italian at Louvre. Her name is Mona Lisa and she kicks ass - Rennaisance ass. So do the cafés on Left Bank, the Jewish ghetto, and Notre Dame (the cathedral, not the football team). And let's not forget the food. The French know a thing or two about food.

I had a friend who went to Paris a few years back. The first night he ate at McDonald. I needed several years of therapy after I heard that.

Top 10 of The 23 Greatest Cities in the World will be published before you know it. Get ready for Lucca in Italy, Granada in Nicaragua, Kyoto in Japan, and many others.